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MDZS spoilers 

okay so the reason I'm so insistent on Lan Xichen/Jin GuangYao- or more accurately, on Lan Xichen---> Jin GuangYao- is because I believe that relationship, Lan Wangji--->Wei Wuxian, and Lanfather--->Lanmother all parallel each other in interesting and important ways, and we lose that if we downplay Lan Xichen's feelings for Jin Guangyao. It's tragic. That's the point. The intense way all three felt has more potential for disaster than happiness, and that's important

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Creative Projects that live in my mind until I can foist them off onto others:

-Utena AMV to Haunted House by Sir Babygirl, primarily using clips from the Nanami's party episode (3) and Traumatic Backstory clips from the last 8~ish episodes.

-TGCF/Utena fusion, featuring Hua Cheng as Utena, Xie Lian as Anthy, and bai wuxiang as Akio.

-modern AU Yi City disaster polyamory


if a video is trying to tell me something, I will simply not learn.

I just discovered you can roll your eyes *while they are closed*

I think the problem with all my fatigue/energy-explaining models is thy assume I have direct knowledge of my own energy levels. And I don't! I have a "warning light" that's almost always on, and then just a fuckton of safety mechanisms to keep me from spending energy, some of which are always on, some of which are on during "warning light time" (which is, again, the vast majority of the time) and then a few that are "You Cannot Move unless it is Life Or Death"

I really just Cannot Process nonfiction anymore without someone next to me to talk about it with.

I think... I may have started writing too late in the timeline.

love making stupid jokes in my planning documents like "Xue yang gives the good D (D stands for Dom)"

Is this fic an unabashed wallow in unhealthy polyamory or a love letter to my local kink scene? Why not both?

Trying to decide whether I want this to be good (end the scene when the plot relevant conversation is done) or self-indulgent (keep writing the rest of the conversation wherein they just talk about stuff going on in the local kink scene)

coping with my bad times by writing about other people in worse, more difficult poly situations.

just realized, *significantly* after the fact, that the reason I said the words that I said was because I was trying to make a joke. I feel like that's something I should have known at the time.

There used to be this homestuck porn artist I followed and what genitals any given character would have in any given art would be basically random. They stopped posting one day and nothing has ever replaced them in my heart. There are people who have trans headcanons for certain characters, or just draw everyone trans, but I know of no one else for whom it is so totally unpredictable. I miss them so.

MDZS spoilers 

so Lan Xichen says repeatedly (definitly in CQL but I think in the novel too) that he kinda sorta knew some of the things Jin Guangyao was doing, but justified it to himself/thought there must be a good reason.

Exactly WHAT did he know? did he know about Qin Su? did he know about killing Jin Guangshan? Did he know about murders of people we never heard about? HOW 👏COMPLICIT👏 WAS👏 LAN👏 XICHEN👏

not that I can, what with my housemates. But for the future

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Hy can we have some of those sweet lie-in protests? I am happy to put my body on the line etc but I have chronic fatigue and I can't be standing and marching for hours.

Maybe I just believe in the inherent dignity and right to self-determination of all people! Ever think of that?

and hey! Maybe I don't have a bad sense of humor! Maybe your jokes are just shitty!!

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I got "dinged" because when this women I had never met before said I couldn't borrow her pencil, I erred on the side of "people are allowed to have weird boundaries and she does not owe me use of her pencil, nor dos she owe me an explanation of why not" rather than "that's obviously ridiculous, she must be joking despite the lack of change in tone or expression"

like wtf?!?!?

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the Golden Rule is great for children when the alternative is "other people aren't real and don't have feelings" but is *inferior* to "other people are important and have inner lives that are different from mine and therefore we have to treat people as individuals with different needs and preferences"!!

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perspective-taking is always worse than actually listening when people tell you things!!! It's better to go "everyone has a complicated inner life that I cannot fully understand" and take people at their word than to assume everyone is secretly like you and act accordingly!

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I was diagnosed autistic post-school so the diagnosis didn't lead to medical abuse or bullying or anything AND YET
I am still incredibly salty about the bit where I'm "bad at perspective-taking". It's so inoffensive on the surface but the more I think about it the more layers of bullshit unfold.
Like, maybe I'm not bad at perspective-taking! Maybe *you're* bad at not assuming other people's feelings! Maybe "perspective-taking" is a fancy way to say never actually asking people about themselves!

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