Got downvoted hard on Reddit for suggesting that a machete is more useful than a bunch of guns in a large-scale disaster situation, because of course I did.
Guys. Bros. The fact that your disaster preparedness begins and ends with guns tells me that you’re already much more fucked than I am with my machete
1. The maintenance for a machete begins and ends with “something to scrape it on”
2. They don’t need bullets
3. You can use them for stuff besides trying to kill people
4. They aren’t a theft target by themselves like guns are
5. Someone threatening me for my food and water with a gun is probably not actually prepared to shoot me. It’s just a dangerous, expensive bluff.
6. If they are prepared to shoot me, I was already fucked. 🤷♀️
7. A machete is like $12
You also don't need gunpowder stored in a limited supply of cartridges with lead tips.
@alpine_thistle This right here is the line of the show 👍
@alpine_thistle A machete is twelve bucks!?
Dumbass nerds can keep their stupid expensive gun, I'mma become proficient with a machete.
@pillowcat yeah machetes are stupid cheap! The day I saw them at the hardware store was the day I opened my third eye
@alpine_thistle I'm not even kidding, I super want to get one now.
@pillowcat I use it for chopping off long vegetation in the yard
@alpine_thistle Oh certainly, my intention to become proficient is far from looking at it exclusively as a weapon and more about a broad safe use of tools.
Which is what makes a machete so heckin' cool.
@pillowcat exactly!! And it’s easy to become proficient with one. Just swing with your hips/body, not your shoulder or elbow
@alpine_thistle going into this with a "hang on, that can't be right?!" and coming out with "Well ok I'm gonna buy myself a machete now". :)
Actually is there any instructions on ways to use a machete properly as a farming tool (beyond the "hacking down undergrowth" bit)?
@ohyran swing with your hips/body, not your shoulder/elbow!
@alpine_thistle lol Did you ask them what happens when they run out of bullets?
@4deuces I was like “I have a machete and a dog. I’ll be fine if I can stand my ground, because this isn’t a Mad Max shootout fantasy and I’m either already dead or calling your tough-guy bluff”
They didn’t like that lol
@alpine_thistle lol Next time refer them to the two Machete movies with Danny Trejo.
@alpine_thistle but a gun that fires machetes is deffo the perfect thing to have with you
@alpine_thistle I would speculate that's because they can only think of keeping what they have or acquiring more by violence, not the sheer utility that a machete brings. I think a lot of preppers privately fancy themselves as the next local war-lord/ruler who will take food and water as part of his tithe.
@gedvondur right. Or they have this macho fantasy about ~defending the homestead~ but they don’t know how to cook or sew or even actually fire the gun effectively
Before you buy it you have to decide that you are willing *swing* as hard as you can with the intention of *hurting* or even accidentally killing the other person. If you hold back, they will take it away from you and use it on you. So as long as you have the right mindset to defend yourself, go for a baseball bat, IMHO.
@gedvondur @alpine_thistle @phyrry I'm not sure I could use a baseball bat! Aren't they pretty heavy? I'm currently suffering from chronic back pain so having to pick up heavy objects would not help 😂 thanks tho! 👀 also im in Canada so I imagine it would be harder to find an army surplus store... and our amazon selection is inferior, unfortunately. i suppose i should see if it's legal here to have a machete i guess. pepper spray isn't, haha
I am a huge fan of the humble hatchet, but a machete is a better weapon.
@alpine_thistle heck yeah
@alpine_thistle brb cutting down a tree with my pistol
@alpine_thistle I get downvoted on Reddit for the flimsiest of reasons:
"Just because some people get pranayama training for free does not mean it's acceptable to ask for it for free."
"Don't ask about where to replenish your PAYG plan when you visit our city."
"Don't post a pic not hosted on imgur of your new fountain pen."
"Don't ask any question that isn't in the FAQ, no matter how relevant and politely worded it is."
@alpine_thistle at phoenix comicon a few years back during a Surviving the Apocalypse panel/audience round table we concluded the best things to have were: Grandparents & other elders, books, stockpiles of basic over-the-counter medicines, and an assortment of neighbors with different skills. Also that the survivalist nuts would be left alone if they stayed in their bunkers, welcomed if they were willing to be part of the community, and treated like a rabid animal if they became raiders.
@LilFluff this makes sense. We’d basically be reverting to hunter-gatherer-horticulturist communities, and there’s a reason we survived for tens of thousands of years like that instead of just killing each other off.
@alpine_thistle I see a lot of downvotes for innocuous, uncontroversial posts. My own comments with glib, throwaway lines often do a lot better than thoughtful answers I spend 30 minutes writing.
The masses are fickle.
Also, with a machete, blood gets all over the place, wasting it. With a firearm and a straw, I’ve got a source of drinkable blood which lasts me days.
@mkb [libertarian survivalists frantically taking notes]
@alpine_thistle Plus if we're going for post apoc ~*~*~*~aesthetics~*~*~*~, it looks much more badass with a machete and a good pair of bolt cutters