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Hello sticky post 1:

I'm posting unlisted as default! I don't mind if anyone sees my posts but I don't want to make people see them.

I generally like to talk to people in small interactions over time.

I like: zombies, robots, other robots, tabletop games, things related to drawing programs, and trying things i'm bad at!!

Don't like: fandom police, money only/paywall fandom

Currently: l4d2, blender, ???

scolded for vaguing but like what else can you do bully me the rest of the way off tumblr ??

(It's va|heim. perfect! it's even linux native. I love it and I'm so happy to get to play a good game with her :'' 0 )

I think I want to start a new acct SOME where. like here? but delete this one.. and just.. have a game diary or occasional art work. My 3d stuff is MILES better than a year ago. I'm making characters move now !! I've got a bunch of models in various states.. and just no inclination to post them to tumbl rn.. but they have to go some place??

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my ACTUAL friend... who is smart enough to just.. never be in fandoms.. bought me a video game and told me to stop. She's the best and smartest person ever imo.

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(I personally like my art a LOT more than "anon"s. like I really am into my own art. but)

making friends with people just.. sucks. it sucks SO HARD. and it makes me more lonely than just having friendly fandom strangers. friendly fandom strangers don't do this type of thing to me.

I said this is my normal fandom experience and my friend was like "I've been into lots of fandoms and that's not normal bc I said so so there" and it's like ???? great for you!!!!

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like on one hand I HATE that there is someone out there that likes to message people and make them feel shitty about their art and ships.. I know he'll be back bc he's done this before years apart.

on the other like.. real winners quit and all. ??? this is something that everyone else can deal with if they're so into it.

can you imagine having art so good people just let you stomp on them ??? wtf ??

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they don't understand that every actual interaction I've been having looks like they're just lying to me and ignoring me. Never ever tell me what's going on. asked me questions a few times with no ??? like I never knew what they were talking about bc it was obvious it was about discussions they had with other people and just expected me to know what was going on magically.

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he leaves right after. no one thinks to tell me that my main problem is gone. None of these people are friends. I would look out for strangers more than this?
Find out that friend didn't just brush off my concerns but discussed them with someone else and just... never told me.

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tried to get me to talk mediated 1 on 1 with "anon" but like ??? how is me talking to him going to stop him from harassing other people too? I absolutely will not be friends with people doing that. But since I didn't I'm some kind of uncooperative trash person who didn't even "try" .... got told he left the group so I could be invited. I join. he's messaging in chat immediately. I wait a week to see if I can deal. decide that no I can't stay in a chat made to exclude me WITH that person in it.

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a month later at new year everyone posting things like "this fandom is so supportive : ) " I'm happy with where I am. several sort-of-friends. it's nice!
I get a message about "I'm only telling you this because you'll find out" ... they made a chat together 2wks after that talk and everyone who ships my ship is in it. (me still making a chat would be "tearing up the ship")

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A second person decides to befriend me bc I drew his fic some art. (no one else has decided to do this when I draw them art.)
we discuss making a chat for [ship]. I am upfront about not wanting to be around "anon" and why.
Ask for advice about telling people about who is behind anons bc he's started doing it again. Brushed off. Waiting to make chat "later"

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unfriended me AGAIN. ok. So I have a good time without him. He's making friends with EVERYONE else in the fandom/ship. Ok. Eventually he makes so much art I have to block him to not see each post 15 times mult times a day. He re initiates contact, I decide I can't handle that again, block him, and other people are getting the same type of anons he sent me before. (and he got the same type of anons he sent himself ...)

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I was right, I talked to the person sending the anons. I am pretty sure he was insecure about his art because he had to use grids to draw. which is a normal art technique ??? He just talked to me normally for months MOSTLY. "died' a few times. Pretty good (20s) kid.

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So this has been going on,,,, it's feb of next year now.

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i miss my old tumblr where that one person would regularly show up to dm me about how much they didn't like me and then talk about whatever. !!!

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im also a tracer, but my crime is tracing my own art : D

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one includes information that only 1 other person has too... so like? hey dude??? why would you send this to me?

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i was going to do blackout poetry about how cool I am if I ever got a mean ask.. but these are really short and I feel bad for anon : /

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i finally got some mean tumblr anons. the first time ever!!!

but they're so weak ???? wtf ?

i hope bbbs announcement today is that I personally can go there and will like it. : / //

misunderstanding my personality problems someone is trying to get me to sign up for instagram which instantly banned me when I made an account. : III

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